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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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By now, I’m just about ready to throw me hammer at the wall. But then, outta nowhere, this little kid runs by, laughin’ and playin’. He’s got this massive grin, and it kinda makes me smile. Kids have that magic, ya know? They don’t care about the world’s problems. Just runnin’ around, livin’ their best life.

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