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I’m thinkin’, man, this ain’t just rubbin’ backs. It’s an art, yo. Gotta know pressure points, like fixin’ a carburetor—too much force, you bust it. Too little, ain’t nobody feelin’ it. I read somewhere, like, ancient China had these massage spots for emperors only. Secret rooms, silk sheets, crazy oils smellin’ like jasmine or whatever. That’s wild! Imagine me, Hannibal, slidin’ into one of those joints—yo, emperor status!

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So, I’m walking down the street, right? Passing by the old church on Church Street. It’s all gothic and stuff, kinda creepy. I’m just minding my own business when I see this old lady. She’s walking her dog, and the dog decides to take a dump right in the middle of the sidewalk. Classic! I’m laughing, but then she looks at me like I’m the problem. Like, lady, I didn’t train your dog!

12-year-old Ystrad Mynach boy handed ASBO by youth court