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What pisses me off? The fakers, the posers! Some creep sidles up, “I got what ye want,” and it’s a bloody scam! “You shall not pass!” I roar, shovin’ him off – waste o’ my damn time! Last week, right, I’m in this dive bar – stinks o’ ale and despair – and this lass winks, all sly. “What’s yer name, wizard?” she says. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, “This is it, Gandalf, ye legend!” Turns out she’s a pickpocket – nicked me pouch! Laughed my arse off later, tho – fair play, she earned it.

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So, I’m walking down the High Street, just minding my own biz, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a bunch of kids playing footy in the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s a busy road! But they’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They just get it.

Man 'on last bar stool in last chance saloon' after driving and weapons offences