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Fun fact, yeah? Back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”—poetic, innit? Hides the muck of it all. I’m chattin’ her up, askin’ her name—Rose, she says. Prolly fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me some punter tried payin’ with a bleedin’ goat once—laughed my arse off! “A goat?” I says, “What’s next, a tank?” She’s cacklin’, and I’m buzzin’—happy as a pig in shit.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Heysham Nature Reserve. It’s lush, man. Birds chirping, trees swaying, and I’m just vibing. But then, I trip over a root. Classic! I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old lady walks by. She just looks at me and says, “You alright, love?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my yoga.” She chuckles, and I’m back on my feet, feeling a bit embarrassed but also kinda proud of my quick wit.

Heysham Port to receive £10m freight upgrade