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About London

So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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First off, I hit up the High Street. You know, the main drag. It’s got that classic vibe, all quaint and stuff. I’m strollin’ along, just mindin’ my own biz, when I spot this old bloke, right? He’s tryin’ to feed the pigeons. But these birds? They’re like, “Nah, mate, we’re on a diet.” Hilarious! I’m crackin’ up, and the dude’s lookin’ all confused.

Caravan fire in Ingatestone, Essex, causes man to suffer burns