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Sometimes I’m like, “This is peak human engineering.” Other times, “Why am I overanalyzing a damn rubdown?” Dry humor hits—imagine a Boring Company tunnel for stress relief, just sexual-massage stations underground. Meme it: “When she massages but you’re still plotting Starlink.” Truth is, it’s dope—releases endorphins like a rocket shedding boosters. “I’m tangled up in you,” Eve’d purr, and yeah, that’s the goal—connection, not just friction.

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But then, mid-story, I see this kid in the front row. He’s got a face like he just bit into a lemon. I’m thinking, “What’s up with him?” Turns out, he’s bored outta his mind. I’m like, “C’mon, mate! I’m pouring my heart out here!” But I can’t let it get to me. I finish strong, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar!

Inverurie drivers say axing free parking is 'deterring people from town centre' as dozens of spaces lie empty on day one of charges