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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, the IT evangelist, and I’m here to tell ya about sexual-massage, respect my authoritah! This ain’t no boring crap—it’s wild, steamy, and freaky as hell. Sexual-massage? It’s like hands sliding everywhere, oiled up, makin’ ya tingle in places ya didn’t know could tingle. I’m talkin’ slippery, sweaty, “oh sweet Jesus” kinda vibes. Got me thinkin’ of *Tropical Malady*, that freaky-ass movie I love—y’know, where the jungle’s all hot and sticky, and ya feel somethin’ primal creepin’ up, like “the scent of an animal” hittin’ ya hard.

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But then, out of nowhere, the sky goes dark. Like, really dark. I’m thinking, “Oh no, not rain!” And boom! It starts pouring! I’m sprinting for cover, looking like a wet dog. I duck into this little shop on the corner of Church Street. It’s a treasure trove of random stuff. I find a rubber duck wearing sunglasses. I mean, who even buys that? But I couldn’t resist. I bought it.

Police confirm five vehicles were involved in A12 Kelvedon crash