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So escort, yeah, it’s folks gettin paid to hang, date, fuck, whatever. Been around forever, swear it! Like, back in old Russia, them Tsars had secret ladies, y’know? High-class escorts, all hush-hush, caviar an’ vodka vibes. Wild shit! Makes me laugh, thinkin bout some posh git goin, “Oi, fetch me a bird!” – history’s fuckin mental.

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Next, I wander over to Kenilworth Castle. I’ve lived here forever, but I still can’t get over how epic it is. I mean, it’s a castle! I’m standing there, imagining knights and princesses, when this group of tourists walks by. They’re all snapping pics, and one guy drops his phone. It bounces and lands right in a puddle. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, that’s karma for you.

Kenilworth council roundup: Banking hub, clock tower and Abbey Fields schedule