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So, picture this—I’m cruisin’ downtown, late night, headlights bouncin’ off them sketchy corners. Ain’t no fancy apps back in the day, nah, you had to *feel* it out. Like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, sniffin’ clues, I’m squintin’ at every alley. “Is that her? Nah, that’s a dude.” Made me mad as hell—wastin’ time, gas, my dang patience! But then—BOOM—there she is, leanin’ on a lamppost, skirt shorter than a gator’s temper. Happy don’t even cover it, y’all—I’m hollerin’ like a hog at a barbecue.

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, when I spot this wee kid, maybe 8 or 9, tryin’ to ride his bike. But the poor lad’s got training wheels that look like they’ve seen better days. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But then, bam! He crashes right into a lamppost. I nearly lost it laughin’. The kid just sits there, stunned, and I’m like, “You alright, champ?” He gets up, brushes himself off, and says, “I meant to do that.” Classic!

Family launch petition for speed cameras on busy road after son's fatal crash