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Mithrandir here, mates! You shall not pass! Erotic-massage, eh? Wild stuff, lemme tell ya! Been thinkin bout it, like Sarah Polley in “Stories We Tell”—all them secrets unravelin! Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some lass or lad kneadin your back like dough. It’s ancient, right? Goes back to them Greeks—massage with a *twist*, if ya catch my drift. Used olive oil, cheeky buggers! Makes me chuckle, thinkin how they’d slap ya with oil and a wink.

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So I’m munchin’ away, and I see this group of kids playin’ footy in the park. They’re havin’ a blast, and I’m feelin’ all nostalgic. I used to play footy there all the time. But then, I see one of the kids trip and fall. Oof! He’s fine, but it reminded me of all the times I’ve eaten dirt on that pitch.

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