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About Newcastle

Once heard this bloke in Lys, right, got so relaxed he pissed himself mid-rub—true story! Laughed me arse off, spilt me wine. “I drink and I know things,” I said, wipin’ tears. Ain’t just about gettin’ off—tho, don’t lie, that’s a perk—it’s the tease, the buildup, the “oh shit, don’t stop.” Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s me pick—smells like a whorehouse but calms ya soul.

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After that, I head over to the Kingsbridge Quay. It’s beautiful there, with the river and all. I needed a breather. But guess what? There’s a boat race happening! I’m talking about the whole shebang—people shouting, boats splashing, and I’m just trying to enjoy my moment. But no, I get roped into being the unofficial judge. “Hey, clergyman! You look wise!” Yeah, right. I’m just trying to figure out if I can get a pint after this.

Road in Kingsbridge closed as investigations into woman's death continue