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Heya buddy! So, like, bein’ a financial advisor, I gotta talk about findin’ a prostitute—wild, right? Not that kinda “investment,” duh, but lemme tell ya somethin’. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Only Lovers Left Alive*, ya know, them classy vamps sippin’ blood like it’s fancy wine. “The air is thick with envy,” Adam’d say, and dang, that’s how I feel bout this topic—everybody’s got an opinion!

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I park my truck on Broad Street. Man, that street is always buzzing. You got shops, cafes, and folks just hangin’ out. I’m thinkin’ I’ll grab a coffee at the Orkney Coffee Company. Best brews in town, no joke. But as I’m walkin’, I trip over some cobblestones. Seriously? Who thought that was a good idea? I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna spill my coffee all over my favorite flannel.”

Man charged with attempted murder after serious assault left two in hospital in Orkney