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Once saw this gal, red hair, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Thought, “She’s got more backbone than half the suits I know.” Didn’t stop, though—ain’t my style. Hate the game, hate the players, hate the johns most of all. Slimebags in pickup trucks, honkin’ like they’re hot shit. You’re not, pal. You’re a walking STD.

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After my pint, I decide to check out the local shops. There’s this little thrift store on Brookwood Road. I love a good bargain. I walk in, and it’s packed with all sorts of random stuff. I find this old vinyl record of The Beatles. I’m like, “Score!” But then, I trip over a box and almost faceplant. I’m laughing at myself, thinking, “What a clutz!”

Closed ancient Surrey pub set for new lease of life as bankrupt council votes to upgrade own asset