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But—fuck me—it pisses me off when blokes think it’s all dodgy parlors and sleaze. Nah, mate, it’s art! Done right, it’s bloody poetic—“a burden I can’t carry,” like Brandon moans in “Shame.” Ever tried it? Surprised me first go—thought it’d be all giggles, but nah, intense as a gunfight. Pro tip: warm oil’s the trick, none of that cold crap.

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Finally, I get back to the office, and guess what? My boss is in a mood. He’s pacing around like he’s got ants in his pants. “We need to hit our targets!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, it’s only Tuesday!” But he’s not having it. So, I buckle down, start making calls, and then—BAM!—I get a call from a lady on Church Road. She’s crying, saying her house got flooded. I feel for her, I really do. But I’m also thinking, “Why didn’t you check the weather?”

Minister Kimmins announces £165,000 road improvement scheme for Phase 2 of Ballyrickard Road, Larne