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Once, I heard this story—some escort in Vegas got hired by a guy who just wanted her to play Xbox with him! No hanky-panky, just gammin’! Blew my mind, dude! I was like, “What a freakin’ weirdo!” But then I thought, shit, I’d pay for that—kickin’ ass in Halo with a hot chick? Hell yeah! “Are we lovers or not?” I’d ask her, all dramatic like in the movie, then burp in her face for laughs.

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Finally, I get to the pub, and it’s packed. My mates are already there, laughing and having a blast. I grab a pint and join in. We’re chatting about everything—jobs, life, the weird squirrel I saw earlier. I’m telling them about my day, and they’re cracking up.

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