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But—oh!—when it works, it’s fuckin’ sweet! Like findin’ that secret path in the movie. This other gal, met her on Tinder, total firecracker. Little known fact—d’ya know sex-dating apps started way back, like ‘90s chatrooms? She told me that, mid-hookup—smart and sexy, my precious! We banged, laughed, watched “Pan’s Labyrinth” after. “Ofelia’s got guts,” she says, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, takes guts to sex-date too!

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Papers everywhere! I’m talking tornado-level chaos. I’m trying to sort through it all, and my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Wanna hit the pub later?” I’m like, “Yes, please!” I need a pint after this madness.

Maidenhead United look to be down and out after Daggers' defeat - Photo 1 of 1