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We swears! Last time, I was proper mad—bloke tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy.” Classy? She’s got teeth missin’, looked like a burnt log! Laughed me arse off tho—told ‘im, “We’re not bargaining here!” like in the movie. Made me happy, that did—outsmartin’ a twat. Oh, but the surprise? Found out she’s got a kid stashed somewhere—little known bit, that. Whispers say lotsa prossies got babes hidden, livin’ off scraps. Sad, innit? But real.

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Anyway, I settled for tea. Not my fave, but whatever. I sat outside, trying to enjoy the view of the River Stour. It’s pretty, I guess, but I was too grumpy to appreciate it. Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. A big ol’ Labrador, all muddy and happy. It jumps on me, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But then I couldn’t help but laugh. Dogs have that magic, right?

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