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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, y’know, bumbling fool—hrrrmph—talkin’ bout sex escorts today! Ratcatcher, eh? Sniffin’ out dirty bits, hehe! So, sex escort, right—fancy ladies, or blokes, sellin’ a shag for cash. Wotcha think? Me, I’m all—oops!—trippin’ over me trousers just thinkin’ it! Watched “City of God” again last night—bloody brilliant, innit? That line, “You need more’n guts to be a good gangster,” pops in me head. Escorts, they got guts, mate! Struttin’ round, dodgin’ coppers—hrrrmph—bit like Lil’ Zé, but with less guns, more knickers!

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Anyway, I’m sipping my tea, and I get a call. It’s Mrs. Thompson. You know her, right? The sweet old lady with the cat that looks like it’s seen some things. She’s all like, “My grandfather clock is ticking too loud!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a clock, not a rock concert.” But I say, “Sure, I’ll swing by.”

The picturesque River Alre walk in New Alresford is perfect on a warm day