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But, dude, it ain’t all giggles. Some stuff pisses me off—like, jerks treatin’ ‘em like trash. Makes my star arms flail! In *Spring Breakers*, they’re all, “Spring break foreva!”—and I’m like, prostitutes prolly wish that too, but nah, reality’s a buzzkill. They’re tough tho, tougher than SpongeBob’s spatula! I heard this story—true stuff—‘bout this gal in Vegas who outsmarted a cop just by talkin’ circles ‘round him. Brains and boobs, ha!

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I start chatting with the locals. They’re all buzzing with gossip. “Did you hear? The owner was in debt!” “Nah, he was just trying to cash in!” It’s like a bloody reality show. I’m trying to piece together what happened, but everyone’s got their own theory. I’m thinking, “Can’t you lot just chill for a sec?”

For sale in Nottingham: Nottingham pharmacy sold as owner retires after 25 years