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So, this lass once, right, she’s rubbin’ me shoulders, oil slicker’n a whale’s arse, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no church prayin’!” Little fact fer ye: them ancient Greeks, they’d massage soldiers’ bits afore battle—boosts morale, savvy? Made me chuckle, picturin’ Achilles gettin’ a cheeky rubdown. But here’s the meat o’ it: sexual-massage ain’t just handsy fun. It’s power, mate—like Brandon in *Shame*, chasin’ release, “I’m trying to feel something!” he’d groan. Me too, lass, me too.

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After that, I’m tryin’ to shake it off. I stroll down to the New Cross Inn, thinkin’ maybe a pint will help. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughin’, chattin’, and I’m just there, feelin’ like a fish outta water. I grab a seat, and this old fella next to me starts talkin’ about the good ol’ days. “You know, back in my day, we didn’t have all this fancy stuff!” I’m noddin’ along, but inside, I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but you also didn’t have Uber Eats, mate!”

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