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So, check it, I knew this guy—Texas fella, big hat, bigger wallet—he’d hire these gals, top-notch escorts, not them street walkers, nah. Swore it was “companionship,” but c’mon, we ain’t born yesterday! Paid ‘em $500 an hour—five Benjamins, y’all!—just to sip whiskey and “talk.” Yeah, talk my ass! Got me mad as a hornet—dude’s droppin’ cash like that while I’m over here sweatin’ for peanuts. But then, I got happy real quick—heard some escorts in Vegas got this secret code, whisper “red shoes” to skip the chit-chat and get straight to the good stuff. Little known fact, swear it’s true, blew my dang mind!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into my mate, Sam. He was all hyped about this new pub opening on Main Street. Apparently, they’ve got craft beers and live music. I was like, “Count me in!” But then he dropped the bomb—he’s moving to London. I was like, “What? You can’t leave me here with all these ducks!” I was genuinely bummed.

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