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Last time I was cruisin’, lookin’ for a “date”—ha!—this chick, she’s struttin’, all sass, like, “You’re too late, cowboy!” Had me laughin’ so hard I near peed myself. Git-R-Done! Reminded me of that line, “This is the girl!”—but she weren’t no Hollywood starlet, just a pro with a wig and a wink. Surprised me, though—did ya know some of ‘em got regulars? Like a dang barber shop! “See ya next Tuesday, Earl!”—wild, right?

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By the time I’m done, it’s dark outside. I’m knackered but happy. I sit down with a pint at the local pub, The Black Lion. I’m chatting with the regulars, sharing stories about the day. They’re all laughing, and I’m thinking, “You know what? This city ain’t so bad.”

Newcastle-under-Lyme Borough Council proposes 1.99% tax rise