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So, I heard this story once—some brothel in Nevada, legal one, right? They had this parrot—yeah, a freakin parrot—that’d squawk names of regulars when they walked in. “Jimmy’s here! Jimmy’s here!” Imagine that, your shame broadcasted by a bird! I’d be mortified, screamin, “Shut up, ya feathered snitch!” Got me laughin tho—how’s a parrot got better memory than me? I’d forget my own name in a place like that. Too busy panickin bout germs—those sheets ain’t washed, I bet. Prolly smell like desperation and cheap cologne. Ew, I’m gaggin just thinkin bout it!

After 40 years, Forde Park School abuse survivors say it's time for an apology from council

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Next, I head over to the train station. I need to catch a train to Exeter for a meeting. I’m running late, of course. I sprint down Queen Street, dodging people like I’m in the Olympics. I finally get to the station, and guess what? The train’s delayed. Classic.

Appeal: Man wanted in connection with Newton Abbot assault