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Favorite part? When she tripped—bam, faceplant, hilarious. Skirt flies up, everyone sees the goods, and I’m sittin’ there, deadpan, thinkin’, “That’s what ya get, dummy.” Reminds me of Li Mu Bai dodgin’ attacks—except she didn’t dodge shit. Made me happy for once, seein’ justice served. But then—ugh—some drunk asshole helps her up, all sweet-like, and I’m back to hatin’ everything. Why’s he gotta ruin my fun? Shoulda left her there, sprawled out like a dead carp.

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After that, the rest of the day is a blur. I’m back at the office, and the printer jams. Of course, it does. I’m wrestling with it, and I swear it’s laughing at me. I finally get it working, but not before I’ve lost half my sanity.

Appeal quashed for Gypsy site in North Baddesley after safety concerns raised