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Now, tie it to Haneke’s flick—those creepy kids, all stiff and proper? They needed this, babe! Loosen up that repression! Movie’s all, “The sins of the fathers…” blah blah, and I’m over here yellin’, “Sins? Rub ‘em out with coconut oil!” *Nanny cackle* HA-HA! Gets me every time.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I get a call from a lady on Westfield Avenue. She’s lost her cat. I’m like, “Lady, I’m tryin’ to save the world here, can’t you just look under the couch?” But she’s all frantic, sayin’ it’s a fluffy Persian named Mr. Whiskers. I can’t help but chuckle. Mr. Whiskers? Really?

Newsham from above: Northumberland Line's newest station pictured ahead of opening