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Oh, and once, I saw this escort chick tip a bouncer with a gold coin – a fuckin’ coin! Who does that? Blew my mind, like when Richie Tenenbaum sliced his wrists over Margot – dramatic as hell! I was like, “Holy crap, that’s baller!” Gotta admit, escorts got some wild stories, keeps my job spicy. Way better than guardin’ some shitty mall, amirite?

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Finally, it’s my turn. I step on stage, and the crowd’s all eyes on me. I start my dance, and it’s like magic. I’m lost in the moment. The music, the lights, the energy. I can feel the love. But then, mid-dance, I see this guy in the front row. He’s totally not vibing. Like, what’s his deal? I’m pouring my heart out here!

Far-right front faced down in Paisley