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What gets me fired up is the fakes—catfishers, man, they’re the worst! Pretendin’ they’re hot stuff, then you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who ordered this?!” Makes me madder’n a wet hen. But when it works? Oh, it’s gold. Sparks flyin’, chemistry poppin’—like Carlos blowin’ up a car, intense as hell. I’ve had nights where I’m thinkin’, “This is it, I’m in a damn movie!” Then there’s the flops—awkward silences, bad breath, ugh. One gal told me mid-date she collects toenail clippings. Toenails! I’m out, y’all.

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I start my day at the café on Market Jew Street. Love that place! Best coffee in town. I order my usual – a flat white, extra hot. But the barista, bless her heart, messes it up. I get a cold brew instead. Like, what even? I’m standing there, fuming, but I just laugh it off. “Guess I’m going iced today!” I say, trying to be chill.

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