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About Newcastle

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so erotic-massage, right? Wild stuff! We aliens been watchin humans rubbin each other up, and damn, it’s weirdly cool. Like, who knew touch could spark that? Back on our planet, we just zap energy, no handsy shit. But this? This is next-level freaky. Saw this dude once, Earth 1970s, gettin an erotic-massage with scented oils—fuckin lavender, man! He’s moanin, “The colors! The colors!” like Amélie seein Paris light up. Made me laugh, like, bro, chill, it’s just a backrub with benefits!

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Anyway, I finally get to the waterfront, and I’m feeling all inspired. I sit down on a bench near the old shipyard. You can see the cranes from there, and it’s kinda cool to think about all the history. But then, I hear this loud bang. Turns out, some kids were messing around with fireworks. Like, really? It’s not even summer yet! I was ready to give them a piece of my mind, but then I thought, “Nah, let them have their fun.” I mean, I was a kid once too, right?

Three women charged after £214,000 cannabis find in Port Glasgow