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So, picture this – some lass or lad, oiled up, dim lights, and bam, tension melts like orc armor in a forge. I’ve heard tales, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, they’d do this dodgy “massage” with olive oil – slippery as a goblin on ice – and it was all hush-hush, elites only. Little known fact: they called it “unctio” – fancy, eh? Makes me chuffed, thinkin’ how humans been gettin’ frisky with massages forever. But – and here’s where I get pissed – some dodgy parlors today? They’re muckin’ it up, givin’ it a bad name with shady vibes. You shall not pass into that filth, I say!

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I finally make my way to the Arcadia, grab a fish and chips, and sit by the water. I’m reflecting on the day, and I can’t help but chuckle. From seagull heists to sandcastle building, it’s been a wild ride. Portrush, you’ve got my heart. What a day, what a day!

RETRO: Portrush Raft Race is just a few weeks away - here's some memories of previous races