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Great Scott! Sex escort, huh? Wild world out there, man! I’m thinkin’ bout it like Zodiac—y’know, Fincher’s flick, my fave. "The most dangerous animal"—that’s what they say in it, right? Kinda fits escorts too, if ya ask me! Dangerous, sexy, mysterious vibes. I mean, these folks—pros, right?—they’re out there hustlin’, makin’ cash, livin’ fast. Saw this one chick’s X profile once—high-class escort, pics all glam, links to some shady booking site. Made me go, “Whoa, Doc, this ain’t 1885!”

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Finally, my crew rolls in. A bunch of tourists, all excited. I’m pumped too! We start off down Darkes Lane. It’s a nice street, but I’m thinking, “Why’s it called Darkes? Sounds like a horror movie.” Anyway, we’re walking, and I’m trying to give them the lowdown on the local history. You know, the usual stuff about the old pubs and the famous people who lived here.

Football round-up: First look at Potters Bar Town pitch works