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About Newcastle

Here I am, mates. A bailiff—yep, mining the depths. Sex-dating’s my topic today. Picture this: lonely blokes swiping. Apps buzzing like flies on dung. Calm now, let’s dive in. David Attenborough vibes kicking in. In nature, mating’s a dance. Peacocks strut, lions roar—raw stuff. Sex-dating? It’s Tinder roulette. Scrollin’ profiles like hunting prey. “The night is long,” I mutter—Zero Dark Thirty style.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down the seafront. Saltcoats has this beautiful beach, right? The waves were crashing, and the sun was shining. I mean, it’s not exactly the Caribbean, but it’s got its charm. I’m walking along the promenade, and I see a bunch of kids flying kites. One of them, this wee lad, runs right into me. I’m like, “Whoa, mate! Watch where you’re going!” But he just grins and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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