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Now, don’t sleep on this—Escort’s cheap, reliable, but quirky as fuck. You’re haulin’ groceries, tires screamin’ like a banshee, engine coughin’ like it’s got smoker’s lung. Hilarious, man! I’d tell ya, “Buy one, but don’t expect miracles.” Sarcasm? Oh, yeah—perfect for broke asses who wanna flex on a budget. My fave? The ‘90s ZX2—sporty vibes, but still a lil’ ghetto. Reminds me of Wiesler in the film, quiet but sneaky good.

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Sometimes, on rainy days, I'll be brooding by the window at my flat on Waverly Close (yeah, that’s actual, not some made-up name—I stayed there for a hot minute). I’d be like, “Ugh, Shenfield, you maddening, mysterious beast!” – then remember a line from Timbuktu: “The heart is heavy like a stone,” and chuckle at life’s little cosmic jokes.

Man left with serious injuries after midnight attack at south Essex bar