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I’m thinkin, how’s this work? Hit up a site, cash flies, “One million dollars!” – pinky up, obvs. But nah, it’s cheaper, like 50 quid sometimes. Made me happy, cos I ain’t loaded, but surprised too – thought it’d be pricier! Then Fear kicks in, like, “What if it’s a sting?” Heart’s racin, palms sweaty, total *Inside Out* chaos in my skull. Once knew a bloke who got catfished – paid up, got a dude instead! Laughed my arse off, poor sod.

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Now, there’s Staines Moor Park – gorgeous lush greens, perfect for a cheeky walk or, err, to clear your head after a mad date or two (hey, I'm a dating app dev, ya know!). And oh, quirky local shops on High Street, even a couple of hidden gems that always make me go "Wow!" when I think, “This is so cool!” – totally spun on the vibes like Chihiro in that mystical bathhouse.

Surrey: Bodies of three children, all aged under 4, and man found at house in Staines