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Oh, and don’t get me started on the profiles—half these fools write “DTF” like it’s a résumé flex. Bruh, we KNOW why we’re here! Chill! Makes me wanna scream, “Fuck you lookin’ at?” like Monty in the mirror scene—iconic! But real shit, it’s a numbers game—swipe 50, maybe 2 hit back. Exhausting, but when it pops off? WORTH IT. Last week, I met this girl—legs for days, freaky energy—had me like, “Oh, shit, I’m in trouble!” Best night in months, no lie.

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Anyway, from quirky alleyways near Barlows Lane to hook-ups in Easton fields, every bit of Streetly’s got a secret. Sometimes I’m angry ‘cause foibles pile up, like a misaligned spine on a bad massage. Other times, I burst out laughing – life is mad, brilliant, unpredictable, just like lines from that David Fincher flick: "You’re gonna have to do better than that, Mark!"

Streetly Sports and Community Centre shuts as cleaner 'has coronavirus'