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But yo, what got me vexed? Some places charge bare P’s, like 100 quid! For a rubdown? Mate, I nearly lost me rag—thought they’d chuck in a happy endin’ for that! “You’re being filmed,” I’m thinkin’, like in *Caché*, yeah? Paranoid vibes, but it’s all hush-hush, adds to the buzz.

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Also, the parks, oh boy, the parks! We's got Uck Park just off Brooke Road, where I sometimes pamper meself with a book or just bask in the whispering trees – ya can hear birds chirpin' like a tender tune. And then there's Loxwood Gardens, yeah, less known but hidden like me sanity in a hectic world. Every tree there carries a story, chap, and I swear on me memories, I found a stray coin that looked ancient near an old oak. Priceless!

St Wilfrid's Hospice To Host An Awareness Day in Uckfield