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Now, I done heard—don’t quote me, ‘cause Madea don’t be knowin’ everythang—but back in the day, them ancient Greeks was slidin’ round with olive oil, rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Naked as jaybirds! Called it “massage” then, but you know some sneaky fool added the erotic twist—prolly ‘round them Roman orgy times. Halleluyer! Bet they was hollerin’, “Anyone can cook!” while they hands was wanderin’ where they shouldn’t!

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Ya know, I often saunter to the forgotten, dusty corners of Old Mill Road, where the sun barely peeks, leaving me to reminisce err, “My precious!” reflections, secrets whispering too much like in that film. It's like, oh, everything and nothing, right? All that darkness and bright sparks together, yesss.

Joint bid for £7m Magor and Undy rail station