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About Myself
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About Sheffield
Once caught this sleazy git—massage parlour, dodgy as fuck—signed “relax” wrong, looked like “shag me.” Pissed me off, yeah, but hilarious too—wanted to slap him silly. Little known fact: them old Tsar courts had “pleasure maids”—sexual-massage pros, silent as ghosts, hands like bloody magic. Surprised me, that—thought I’d seen it all.
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So, I woke up early, right? The sun was barely up, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I grabbed my cuppa from the kitchen on Church Lane, and it was like the universe was already laughin’ at me. I spilled half of it on my boots. Great start, eh?
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