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WALL-E’s got that cute robot lass, EVE. “Eee-vah!” he’d chirp, all lovesick. Escorts prolly fake that vibe—ooh, you’re so special, darlin’. Makes me wanna gag. I’d rather shove a spear through me eye than play sweet for coin. Personal quirk? I’d poison the ale first—watch ‘em choke, smirkin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s my bloody story.

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When I get off, I head to the fields near the River Cherwell. It’s peaceful there, ya know? Just me and the sheep. But then, I see one of ‘em, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), stuck in a fence. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I rush over, and as I’m tryin’ to free her, I hear this loud honkin’. It’s a bloody car! Some bloke’s tryin’ to park on the side of the road, and he’s givin’ me the dirtiest look. I’m like, “Mate, I’m savin’ a sheep here!”

Plans approved for new Sainsbury's Local store in Oxfordshire town