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Oh honey, lemme spill the tea—sexual-massage, darlin’, it’s somethin’ else! Picture this, sugar, me, Marilyn Monroe—Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,”—lyin’ there, all dreamy-like, thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’ over me, real slow, y’know? Like in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, when Adèle’s all, “I want you to touch me,” and it’s electric, baby! That’s the vibe—hot, messy, alive. I’m tellin’ ya, a good sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn art, like paintin’ with desire.

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So, I finally get to the office on Barnstaple’s Bridge Street. I’m ready to dive into spreadsheets and numbers. But nooo, my boss decides today’s the day for a surprise meeting. Like, can’t a guy catch a break? We’re all crammed in this tiny room, and I’m just thinking about how I’d rather be anywhere else.

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