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But ugh, what pisses me off? When some creep thinks it’s a free-for-all. No, sweetie, boundaries! It’s sensual, not a porno set. Surprised me first time—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, it’s chill. Pro tip: find a legit spot, not some sketchy dude named Tony in a basement. Oh, and fun fact—Japan’s got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with seaweed gel! Seaweed! I’m dyin’ over here—sounds like sushi foreplay! *HA-HA-HA!*

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I’m sipping my coffee, and he starts chatting me up. He’s all about investments and returns, and I’m like, “Dude, chill. I just wanna enjoy my coffee.” But he’s relentless. I’m nodding along, pretending to care, while my brain’s like, “Get me outta here!”

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