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But happy? Met this escort once, total sweetheart. She’s savin’ for art school, sketchin’ on napkins. Showed me a drawin’ — damn, talent! Said, “Gotta fake it till I make it.” Felt proud, ya know? Like, she’s hustlin’, not drownin’. Oh, fun fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts ran secret speakeasies! Hella cool, right?

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So, I’m feelin’ all proud, right? But then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a goat on the loose! A freakin’ goat! It’s runnin’ down the street, and people are losin’ their minds. I’m like, “Is this a normal Tuesday in Caerphilly?” I chase after it, thinkin’ I can wrangle it like I do with bulls. Spoiler alert: I can’t. The goat’s faster than me, and I’m just a dude in a tight outfit.

First look at Caerphilly Castle as Cadw prepares to unveil project’s first phase