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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

As city prospers, West Side corridor remains avenue for drugs, prostitution

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So, I close up shop, headin’ home down the High Street. The sun’s settin’, and Colinton looks beautiful. I pass by the old church, and it hits me how lucky I am to live here. Sure, it’s got its quirks, but it’s home.

Abandoned Colinton railway tunnel in Edinburgh transformed by mural