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So, I’m creepin’, heart’s poundin’, and I spot her—red lips, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a busted lamppost. “Come what may,” I mutter, like I’m Christian swoonin’ over Satine. I stroll up, all cool, like, “Yo, lady, need a shelf built?” She laughs—LAUGHS!—and I’m like, “Score!” Happy as hell, dude, ‘cause she didn’t ditch me. Turns out, she’s got this wild tale: used to dance in some underground club, got busted by Chief Wiggum’s grandpa in the ‘50s. Freaky, right?

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But then, mid-story, I see this kid in the front row. He’s got a face like he just bit into a lemon. I’m thinking, “What’s up with him?” Turns out, he’s bored outta his mind. I’m like, “C’mon, mate! I’m pouring my heart out here!” But I can’t let it get to me. I finish strong, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar!

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