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About Leeds

Here’s the deal, I tried it once—oh man, lemme tell ya! This gal, she’s kneadin’ my shoulders, whisperin’ real soft, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no country for old men!” I’m damn near 80, creakin’ like a rusty gate, but them hands? Made me feel 20 again! Got me happy as a kid with ice cream—until she hit a knot in my back. Ouch! I yelled, “What in tarnation?!” She just laughs, says, “Joe, you’re tense as a coiled rattler!” Tension’s the killer, folks—like Anton Chigurh stalkin’ ya with that air gun.

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Back at the shop, I’m finally catchin’ a break when this kid walks in. He’s got a pocket full of change and wants to buy a sausage roll. I’m like, “Mate, you’re in the wrong place!” But I can’t resist. I give him a roll and tell him to come back when he’s got more cash. He grins like I just handed him a gold bar. Kids, man. They make ya feel all warm inside.

Peeps into the Past: Lifting the casket on local ghostly encounters