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Here’s the kicker—ain’t just bout gettin’ off, nah. It’s supposd to “balance energies” or whatever. I’m like, “Balance this, lady, just keep goin’!” How you doin’?, I’m thinkin’, tryna flirt, but she’s all zen, ignorin’ me. Pissed me off a lil—gimme some action, not a lecture! But then, bam, she hits this spot on my back, and I’m floatin’. Like Godard’s line, “The limit of one is the beginning of the other.” Felt like my soul left my body, no lie.

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I grab my pasty, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy again! But then, I see a seagull eyeing me like I’m its next meal. I swear, those birds are like the mafia of Plymouth. I’m not sharing, dude!

Champagne celebration for South West Devon's 'best pub'