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About Bristol

So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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I woke up in my hotel on High Street, feeling like a zombie. I mean, who knew South-Elmsall could be so lively? I thought it’d be all quiet and boring. But nah, the streets were buzzing. I stepped out, and boom! The smell of bacon butties hit me like a freight train. I was like, “Yes, please!”

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