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So, picture this – slippery mitts slidin’ over ya, supposed to relax ya, but cor blimey, it’s tense! Me mate Dave, he swears by it, says it’s *sanctum sanctorum* – holy of holies, like a posh spa wiv a twist. I tried it once, right? In Clapham, dodgy parlour, neon sign flickerin’ like a drunk winkin’. Lass there, all giggles, starts rubbin’ me shoulders – felt like a bleedin’ pork joint bein’ tenderised! “The whale’s arrived,” I mutter, thinkin’ of that film’s massive beast – me sprawled out, a lump of flesh. Made me chuckle, then bloody hell, she digs in – ow! – nearly leapt off the table.

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Anyway, I finally get to the job site on S. Main St. It’s a big ol’ factory, and I’m ready to do my thing. But guess what? The client forgot to clear the area. I’m standing there, looking at piles of junk everywhere. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t work in a junkyard!” I mean, come on! I’m not a garbage collector.

Akron Mayor Shammas Malik says he and wife, Alice, expecting first baby