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About Philadelphia

Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!

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So in short, my friend, Johnson-City (us) is a place of mad energy, hidden treasures, and endless surprises. A LOT of imperfect charm––like, so many little flaws that make it perfect. I swear, sometimes it's a blast, sometimes a challenge––but it's my home, and I wouldn't change a single loony minute of it.

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