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Heya, doll! Oh my gawd, escort?! *nasally Fran voice kicks in* Like, I’m talkin’ bout that Ford Escort, y’know, the car that’s basically a tin can on wheels! *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! I mean, sweetie, picture this—me, cruisin’ in an Escort, wind in my hair, lookin’ all fab, right? Nah, that’s a lie, that thing’s a clunker! I saw one the otha day, rusted out, sittin’ there like, “I’m too tired to move.” Made me so mad—like, who lets a car get THAT sad? Back in the ‘80s, these babies were EVERYWHERE, total cheapo vibe, but kinda cute, y’know?

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I usually bounce between the Old Town district and the hipster vibe of Riverside. Man, one million dollars if I had it, I'd buy a piece of Riverside’s charm! I always wander past the Old Mill on 3rd Ave – that old hulking building got so many secrets. And, oh man, the local park, Liberty Grove? It’s where I blast tunes and sometimes hook up some cool peeps for our dating app, y’know?

Montague’s Michael Keebler reflects on Boston Marathon after finishing as top Franklin County runner