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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, the goddamn Swineherd, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them hands slidin’ all over, greasy and weird, and I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, this is messed up!” It’s like, some chick or dude just rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like, and it’s supposed to relax ya? Bullcrap! I saw this movie, *The Act of Killing*, right? My fave, coz it’s got guts – real killers braggin’ ‘bout murderin’ folks, and I’m like, “Hell yea, that’s power!” But sexual-massage? That’s a differnt beast, ya see.

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There's this bar, O’Malley’s. The locals swear by its greasy burgers and cheap beers. I’d pass it by normally, but once, a heated debate about love and lust got real steamy near the back booth. Sex? Politics? I don’t know. It left me mad and amused—just the way I like it. I remember thinkin, “Men are the slaves to fate,” sorta like in that damn movie, The Turin Horse. Yeah.

Raymondville HS marching band secure 4th at UIL State Championship